I admit I haven’t had much of a chance to keep the blog updated. When the pandemic hit, I knew things would be challenging, but I—quite naively—didn’t think they would spiral as far out of control for me as they have.
I’m used to a life at home. I spent years constantly sick at home before discovering that the foods I was eating were making me sick (I have a very long list of allergies and sensitivities). I work from home, and have off-and-on during many periods of my professional career. I’m typically very productive, regardless of other challenges surrounding me, including working through my chronic pain and illness.
However, this impacted me in ways I could not foresee. It’s been a challenge having my spouse at home constantly. It’s been a challenge having my son at home constantly, demanding attention in a place where he’s used to getting it when he’s here (and when he’s not, getting attention from others, especially kids). And my brain fog has been quite thick. It doesn’t help that on top of the brain fog, we have been given a million distractions to work around this year.
It’s been challenging. For all of us. I don’t claim to have been given any more challenges than others. And each of us are dealing with this in the way that makes sense for us individually.
Just before we went into lockdown, I had a breakthrough in planning Broken Guardians. I was ready to write. I was excited to start something new, and I did. I dove in and wrote a strong prologue and first chapter.
But then, we went into lockdown, and all brain functionality seized up. The words began to crawl more and more, the deeper we got into the pandemic. The more people wouldn’t wear masks (infuriating, by the way, from the standpoint of someone with many chronic illnesses that pose an additional risk), the more fatigued they got about guidelines, the rampant misinformation. It all piled on heavier and heavier and slowed the gears down until I was only producing 25 words a session.
In early September, I made a decision: I would try to write something in between my Shut Up & Write sessions, so that was not the only time I was writing. Then I made a commitment to do NaNoWriMo, something I had never committed to before, mostly because that kind of commitment typically stresses me out further and has an opposite effect, that I won’t write anything. But I needed to make a change, and I was on the brink of doing so.
I had an idea that had been pulling my attention away from Broken Guardians. In preparation for NaNoWriMo I began to plan heavily for this project.
But the last week of October, my boss (who held a position I used to hold before I made some life changes) quit. This meant I would have to step temporarily back into that position, covering for both her and myself in an already understaffed department, while we found a replacement. I knew she had been working 60 hour weeks. I knew I should pull out of my commitment to doing NaNoWriMo.
But I didn’t.
After I considered it heavily, I couldn’t retract my commitment. Partly because I am one of those people who, once I commit to something, I see it through to the end. I have to, it’s my nature. Partly because I knew that I needed this. That in all of the other insanity and stress, I needed to at the least have writing to keep that sanity, and keep me from overthinking things.
It was rough. Every day, I was working 12-hour days, then writing 1500+ words. Mind you, I was also running two writing groups, as well as some other responsibilities that I had to deal with. Luckily, my mom was able to take my son during the days, and my husband stepped up to take him at night. I barely saw him, and at one point I walked into the kitchen and saw some artwork he had made. When I asked about it, my husband told me it had been laying on the counter for days and I hadn’t noticed. That was definitely one of those “feeling like a terrible mother” moments.
On top of my schedule I also dealt with flare-ups of my chronic illness and pain, as well as issues with my eye. I had lasik done a year ago that I’ve had issues with ever since, and I ended up with an allergic reaction to an eye drop, which made me blind for 2 days.
But…
I did it. I wrote 50,400 words in November. I completed the first draft of They All Left. Is it perfect? Heck no. It’s in no shape to be read by anyone. Even I don’t want to read it right now. I’ve put it aside to return back to Broken Guardians with fresh eyes. But I do believe it has great bones, and I know a lot of the things I need to improve in the next draft in order to make it “readable.”
But now I have completed the first draft of another book, which makes me feel much better about this year. It makes me feel forward progress in the activity that I care most about.
I haven’t been submitting new queries for The Girl Between The World. There is only so much, obviously, that I can do right now, and I am on a well deserved break (sort of). I’m currently still working a lot of hours (if not more than I was), but we have hired a new director, I am guessing it will be a few months before she is fully onboarded (and even then, we need to take a look at workload before I can go back to part time).
My husband says that once I put my mind to something he knows it will happen, because I will see it through and ensure it does. I like that quality about myself, no matter how tiring it will be. I am tenacious, despite what obstacles are in front of me.
Anyway, I continue to try to move forward with Broken Guardians. Last weekend I hit 20k words. I’m trying to find the balance in the next few weeks between work and holidays, and I don’t see myself finishing the first draft this year, but at least I am on a forward trajectory!
I want to hear about you: What obstacles have you overcome this year? What do you feel proud of?
For now, I’m out. I hope once I find a balance I’ll be able to begin updating more often in the new year. But until then, let’s give each other a little slack!